The world is full of hate, pride, and ingratitude

Life is strange for me right now.  I guess it really has always been strange, but I tend to romanticize the past, like most people do.  I am sooooo very happy with my marriage with Emily.  She is so great!  We make an awesome couple!  I am so happy with her and with our relationship.  She truly is a source of happiness.  

However I wish I was personally more happy, but, money is tight, stress is high, work is demanding, and it seems there is never enough time.  I feel like I am letting some good years of my life just breeze by.  I want to enjoy them and not just let them get away from me.  I've always loved the "carpe diem" concept.  I feel like I was very good in the past at taking time to pause and ponder life (like I am now), but lately I don't "have time".  I really feel squished by "the world" lately.  The world is so diluted with ungrateful, prideful, hate-filled people, and it is so hard to not get caught up in doing those things too.  I feel as if I have somewhat disappointed those that I love.  I loved my relationship with my family 'back in the day', but I have lost that.

The Christmas before my mission I wanted to give my family something meaningful.  I had gone through some hard times with friends and things and it had left my emotions somewhat raw, but it was a good thing, I guess.  It had forced me to reflect on my life (like I am doing this morning).  Anyway, the most meaningful thing I had was my testimony of things that did bring me lasting happiness.  So I decided to share that with my family.  I found principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ that I really had a testimony of, and then I found quotes by leaders of the church (or others) that put into words, better than I could, about that principle.  Then I put those quotes in boxes and wrapped them up and gave them to each family member.  I loved it!  I loved sharing that with others.  I continued to do that every year...until this past Christmas.  I couldn't do it this year.  It wasn't in me.  It isn't because I had lost my testimony that those things brought happiness, at least not really.  I knew in my heart that those things can still bring happiness, but I had let the world overtake me that year.  I became too busy to live those joy-giving principles, and so I didn't feel like I could share a testimony that I wasn't living.  So I didn't.  I was sad that I had broke a tradition I had kept going for 8 or so years, but at the same time it was a nice slap in the face to wake me up to want to want to change.

 I know the answer lies in living the gospel more closely and for me I think a big thing is taking time to pause and reflect (like I am doing now...and did back in January) and examining my life.  Here's to a better future. :)

(P.S.  I forgot that I actually have followers of this blog now, so it is somewhat awkward to post a post like this, but at this moment I don't really care that it is read by others, but just realize I am not really posting it for others sake.  Just for my sake, sort of like a journal entry.)

Authorize.net service goes down...again

Authorize.net, the online payment gateway, is down...again.  Back on May 1, 2012 the system was down for several hours and people reportedly could not process payments or login to merchant accounts.  It seems the same issue is happening again tonight.  I tried to process a payment at approximate 10:25pm MDT and it said it was unable to receive feedback, so I tried to login into my merchant account and got an error page.

This is not good for authorize.net.  Perhaps another merchant online processor can do better job with the uptime.

http://www.authorize.net/


Update (10:51pm MDT): I can reach the merchant login screen, but it still won't let me login.

Authorize.net Goes Down

Authorize.net, the online payment gateway, is down.  This is probably wreaking havoc for a lot of e-commerce businesses who depend on them.  It is effecting our businesses here in Bear Lake, Utah (Bear Lake Cabin Rentals and The Lodge Motel) as that is who we use to process all our credit cards.  We are hoping for a quick fix and that nothing is wrong.

Update:  It seems to be working now.  And I am sorry I posted their twitter info from two years ago.  ha ha.

Are Mormons Catholics?

So there is a group out there that considers themselves "Mormons." Do they believe Joseph Smith was a prophet? Maybe some of them.  Do they attend church at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?  Maybe some of them...but mostly not (I think).  Do they follow the modern prophet/leader (Thomas S Monson)?  Maybe some of them...but probably mostly not.  Do they agree with and/or strive to follow the LDS Church teachings?  Mostly not.

So why do they consider themselves Mormons?  Maybe the better question is why do they want to consider themselves Mormons?  First let me explain, I am all for "making the umbrella as big as possible" (borrowed phrase from Emilie Wheeler), because I want people to feel welcome in the Church.  After all the church is for sinners and I think we should be loving and beckon all to "Come unto Christ."  However, if people willfully disobey and disregard what the Church says...hmmm.  But I guess the big question is: Who gets to decide the definition of Mormon?  Once upon a time I was going to be Religious Studies minor at USU (I bailed on it though...too many papers to write) but I took a class called "History of Mormonism."  In that class we talked a lot about this.  I never really felt like I had a good answer to the above question (who gets to decide the definition of Mormon?).  I mean, who gets to decide the definition of anything?  And now with things like UrbanDictionary.com it seems like our entire vocabulary will become jaded and meaningless.

So anyway, I got thinking about this point the other day.  I thought it was ironic that I would try to close the "Mormon definition door" on a group of people, while at the same time I wanted the "Christian definition door" opened to me.  Latter-day Saints definitely consider themselves Christians, but the opposite is not true.  Who controls the definition of Christians?   Is it the majority of the people who claim the definition?  Do they get to decide?  When I get plumb stuck like this it ultimately turns to this question: Why does it matter?  My answer in this situation:  I don't know.

I now understand why my dad gets frustrated when people try to use a word incorrectly and/or adapt its meaning, because it is frustrated when words are always evolving.  Definitions have to have boundaries to retain meaning.  For example go look up the difference between the definition of sarcastic and facetious.  Do you use these words correctly?

So again, if someone doesn't go to the LDS church, doesn't try to follow its teachings, doesn't believe Joseph Smith was a prophet...are they "Mormon"?  And equally, if someone doesn't believe Christ is part of the trinity, doesn't believe they are save by grace only...are they "Christian"?  Lastly, will Mormons soon be considered Catholics and vice versa?  If definitions don't quit evolving like they do everyone will be everything.  (Okay, I am being a little dramatic.)

Let Charities be Charities and the government...

"And after ye have obtained a hope in Christ ye shall obtain riches, if ye seek them; and ye will seek them for the intent to do good—to clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry, and to liberate the captive, and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted" (Jacob 2:19)

It frustrates me that it is becoming more and more difficult for people to do this.  I want to do this someday.  I try to do it now, a little, but I wish I could do more.  I am frustrated that the US Federal Government is taking this ability from people.  Instead of people obtaining wealth and then having the ability to help others, the government forces people to give money to them, and then impersonally and ineffectively they try to do it for the people.  But it seems impossible to go back.  I am not saying the government did it to do harm.  It may have been in pursuit of doing good.  To make sure there is a safety net for people.  But this plan is poor I think.  I wish I had time to write more, but alas.  Needless to say I am in favor of charities being charities and the government not being in charge of charity work...except maybe for a very basic safety net.

Is it possible to have NO state religion (ideology)?

Elder Neal A Maxwell about irreligion.  He put into words (very eloquently I might add) the thoughts I have been having as of late.  It seems impossible to NOT have ANY state religion.  Wouldn't you agree?  I use the word 'religion' very loosely here.  Maybe a better word is ideology.  Having Atheism as the states ideology is still an ideology (religion.)

In related news people are angry at The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for speaking out on what they feel is a moral, not political, issue.  This is very interesting to me.  I might be biased, but I feel like I see a lot more hatred aimed at the Church from the so called gay community than I do vice versa.  I would say that I don't see any hate from the Church toward the gay community, but I admit that there are probably members of the Church that (wrongfully) hate "homosexuals", but they do not represet the Church.  Just because you disagree with someone, doesn't mean you hate them, am I correct?

Plant the seed - Testimony

I have to write this down on here because it has had such a HUGE impact on my life.  This is something my sister-in-law Tricia Burbank said and I LOVE it.  It is so profound to me.  It probably sounded better (and more profound) in the context of the discussion we were having, but alas.

"Everyone has to gain their own testimony about each individual gospel principle."  And I would add "...and this comes slowly, line upon line."

The frustrating thing is when people try to force their own testimony of something onto someone who hasn't gained that testimony.  You CAN'T give someone a testimony of something.  I do believe people can borrow testimonies from others, but they have to accept it, it can't be given to them, if that makes sense.  But eventually they need their own.

For example Tricia said she has gained a really strong testimony of the importance of watching/listening/looking at good entertainment.  A few years ago she decided to only watch movies that have a rating of 4 and lower (I think) in all categories on kids-in-mind.com (because the MPAA rating system is a joke).  Since deciding on this guideline she has seen why this is becoming increasingly important.  Emily and I adopted the same family standard about 2 years ago.  Before we started doing this I used to think "Eh, it isn't that big of a deal."  But now that we have tried it out, I can say I have a testimony of it.  This is where I could go off about why I think it is important but that isn't the purpose of this post, but I'll just say if you look at media today versus 5 years, 15 years, 35 years ago, it is ridiculous and becoming more so everyday!  Think of something "wicked" and I'll bet you can see it portrayed as good somewhere in entertainment.  And calling something that is bad, good enough times can have a dramatic effect.

On the flip side I know people who have a very strong testimony of the importance of keeping the Sabbath day holy which to them means not watching sporting events, like, the Superbowl!  I have a very weak testimony of this.  I know I should probably change this, but I haven't yet.  I guess I justify it because I actually don't care about the Superbowl, but I do love any excuse to get together with family, and spending time with family is also an important gospel truth, right?

So the key things I see is that people have to follow the Alma 32 approach and plant the seed and exercise faith, and then make a decision to try it out.  You don't gain a testimony by just thinking about things.  You have to try it out, exercise faith, and then you can ponder on whether or not you have a testimony of it, or in other words if it is True principle.  This is the best way I have found to find out if something is "True" or not.  But often people seem to try it the other way.  For example I could have thought, "Is it really that important that I watch 'good' movies?" and I would conclude "nah, probably not".   But when I try it out and then think about it, I get a different answer, a more correct one I believe.

The other key thing is to realize that people are at different stages in their lives and have stronger and weaker testimony of things than you do.  It is okay...this is part of mortal life.  It is fine to "teach people correct principles" but when you start forcing them to exercise faith, well, then you have a crossed the line!

I guess this is one of those things I have heard all of my life, but until Tricia said the above quote, it didn't really ring true.  I think this will be increasingly important now that I am parent.

Is understanding "why" important to faith or not?

Just a follow up on my last post.  First I enjoyed this quote I got today and it is slightly related to the rest of this post:

"While understanding the “what” and the “how” of the gospel is necessary, the eternal fire and majesty of the gospel springs from the “why.” When we understand why our Heavenly Father has given us this pattern for living, when we remember why we committed to making it a foundational part of our lives, the gospel ceases to become a burden and, instead, becomes a joy and a delight. It becomes precious and sweet."

--President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Forget Me Not", November 2011 Ensign

Also, Salt Lake Tribune wrote an article a few days ago called "Mormons tackling tough questions in their history."  It is very much related to the FAIR article I posted last time.

At my family Christmas party I had a discussion with one of my sisters about various gospel topics similar to the one above.  It was sparked by this article.  She talked about how she doesn't care about all the "why" questions (in relation to gospel discussions.)  She said she is more concerned about whether or not something is "True." (I use capital "T" on purpose...this means it is a God given universal truth...that is another topic, but I don't have time right now to fully explain.)  She went on to say "if it is True, then why does the "why" matter?"  Man, this was a revelation of sorts to me.  However, I continued to think about it, and for me the "why" is a small part of my coming to know something is True.  I feel everything True has a logical explanation.  I also accept that I may not be able to understand everything with my finite mind. ("...my ^aways^bhigher than your ways, and my ^cthoughts than your thoughts (Isaiah 55:9).” But I feel that there is no harm in trying to understand.  God gave us the ability to think and reason, why not use it?

I have been told that the "my finite mind may not understand" argument is a very convenient cop-out for Theists.  It is true that it is convenient (although not really), but that does not mean that it isn't true.  Try giving a 5 year old a school test about logarithms and when she fails and says "I don't understand this", don't go to her and say "That is a cop-out!  That is just convenient for you to be able to say you don't understand."

However, I also discovered that I felt like my way was better than my sister's, and this is not true.  They are just different approaches.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way my sister goes about her spiritual journey.  While I don't have time to point out all the reasons, I actually admire my sister's faith.  Some people would say "oh well, she is using blind faith and that is not smart", but I feel that by definition faith is partly blind. I am trying to think of a quick example.  Here is one, but there is probably holes in the logic, but this is off the cuff to try and explain somewhat what I mean.  If people are nice to each other the world will be a better place.  I don't know EXACTLY why it makes the world a better place.  I just kind of have an overarching feeling that it makes the world better.  I don't know all the processes and minute details, but I do know it makes the world a nicer place.  This overarching feeling is good enough for me.  However, someone else might need to study it down to the nity grity to see why.  Alright, pretty poor example, but it will have to suffice.

As long as someone comes to know something is True (and then acts accordingly) I believe they will be happy.  It doesn't matter how they come to know it.

These are my random recent thoughts.  I open to comments, as I am still on a journey to make this all make sense.

Anywho, I have some thoughts I'll post next time about "faith" as it is a topic I have been studying a lot lately.  It is good to be blogging again.

Need more Church History

My dad sent me a presentation by Davis Bitton that was presented at the 5 Aug 2004 FAIR Conference, in Sandy, Utah.  It is titled "I don't have a testimony of the history of the Church."  I will include the entire talk below, but first my comments.

I thought this paragraph interesting and agreeable.  

Some of us might deplore the fading of church history from the curriculum. In the meantime, of course, you can still read on your own, individually or in study groups. To my knowledge, no one is forbidding such study.

I remember in my history of Mormonism class at USU this was a sentiment that my instructor shared.  Of course he was happy that he could be teaching a university class that included Church History, but I could see the desire that he had that it be a subject for a class somewhere inside of the church...probably preferably a sunday meeting, but at the very least a institute class.  And actually I did have a class in institute in which we talked about Church History in such a fashion, but it was the type of class that only had 5 or 6 people in it.  

BUT, I see this article is nearly 8 years old, and I feel the church is moving in a direction of promoting more church history with projects like the Joseph Smith papers and whatnot.  So I am happy to see that.  Why has it taken the church so long to promote more church history?  Well, besides the things mentioned in the article below I also have come to realize that this is a Church made up of humans.  Humans shy away from things that are embarrassing or don't make sense.  I don't believe the Church was hiding anything or trying to be sneaky or dishonest.  They were just acting like rational human beings by focusing on what they do understand.  

 I enjoyed how the author talked about how Church history can be shocking because it doesn't meet our expectations.  I have been exposed to quite a bit of "shocking church history" in my life.  Most were obviously mis-statements or out of context, but sometimes not.  But they have never been faith-destroying....but more along the line of interesting or different.  I believe if members of the church discussed the history of the church before an "anti" person discussed it with them, it would help many members to not 'fall away'.  In fact it would be funny how it would frustrate the "antis".  I hope 5 years from now the Church will have produced so many volumes of histories that the "antis" will have to find another purpose in life. 

I wish the article was a little more concise but it drags a little around the middle, so if you get bored in the middle and must skip ahead, jump to the heading "How Important Is History?" and read the rest from there. 

This is the letter I got from Orrin Hatch today in regards to my disagreement with PIPA.  Am I happy with the response?  Eh.  Do I think it sounds like a poorly written letter in which Hatch is just trying to please his voters, but doesn't actually agree with his voters? Yes.  I actually believe Hatch is very intelligent.  He is creative in his solutions to problems.  And it is always nice to have someone in the senate with such seniority as he, but my support for him goes downhill from here.